Tennis and I have had a long history. Our relationship can be described just like a real one between two people. We were friends, then we dated, got married then had a divorce (no kids). The divorce was messy. There were a lot of tears, emotions and deep sadness when we parted. I knew it was what I had to do because it was time to move on. Things weren’t working out the way I had expected them too and I was very unhappy. I was trying too hard and constantly disappointed. Swami Chinmayananda once said, “Disappointment comes to those who make an appointment with the future.”This was my issue and it was seriously effecting my health. I lost love for the game. The decision to stop was very hard and very painful, tennis was all I knew for 22 years of my life.
It’s been almost 3 years since I stopped playing on the pro tour but it took me a while to step back on the court with joy. I have changed a lot in these three short years, physically (no more muscle), mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It has all been positive but I still catch myself putting great expectations on my activities; grades, jobs, social life, and events I coordinate. Now when I go for a hit, I am at times overly critical. I expect and demand things from my tennis game. I catch myself falling back in to those negative patterns and have to pull away. It will take me time to be able to be comfortable and friendly with tennis again but we are on a positive path.
