I’m in this awkward phase in my life and career where I will never go back to doing what I used to but I’m not exactly sure what is next. Most days I’m super confident and pumped about ‘exploring’ and taking each day as it comes and all that flowery stuff. But sometimes I completely deteriorate in to a ball of doubt and massive anxiety. I’m sure I’m not alone in feeling this way. I just want to remind myself and you that NO ONE else actually has it all figured out. Sure a lot of people have really well crafted Instagram accounts to make it seem that way. And some people may have better bullshit to tell themselves and perhaps believe in it more than you do yours, but everyone feels this self-doubt. As much as it appears the opposite, no body else has any more certainty about themselves or what they are doing than you do
I’m also guilty of indulging in this fantasy of waiting for the time when everything will be perfect and my career/life will unfold the way it was supposed to. That something external other than my own hard work and diligence will manifest and empower me with an answer/path/solution. Like a man or woman believing that in this day and age their dream life partner will just appear in their world while they sit passively without going through the ego-bruising experiences of online dating or the effort to meet new people.
The only solution that makes logical sense is to completely surrender to the idea of permanent uncertainty. If anyone should be comfortable with this concept its me, the tennis player. Uncertainty and uncontrollable variables are an inherent part of the beautiful game. The ones who come out on top are those who accept that they don’t know what they are doing and do it anyway.