Time and time again I find myself struggling to find the balance between what I want to do and what I am supposed to do. These two ideologies clash in my day to day reality and overall vision of my life and goals. What is holding me back from being able to do what I want to do?
Fear of other people’s perception? Fear of my own belief that what I want to do is not the “right” thing or is not prestigious enough. Fear of failure, fear of commitment. Fear of not living up to the expectation of how wonderful life could be if I was doing what I loved everyday…I think it might just be my fear of success. It used to happen in my matches, holding back, pushing a return instead of ripping my amazing inside out forehand for a winner to win the game. Was it the fear of winning that stopped me?
Transitioning out of athlete mode has been tough. I used to sit and cry that after tennis, I have would not be able to find a passion of my own, something I can invest my whole heart and life in to. I would console myself with the thought that not everyone is blessed to find a passion right away. What I have realized is that we all know what we want deep down inside and make an effort in someway or another to quiet that voice. Recently that voice has been getting louder inside my heart and head. At times it makes my heart beat so fast that I feel like running towards the thought at full speed. Should I run towards my desires with reckless abandon? Or should I be rational, cool, calm, collected and calculated with my dreams?